Hi Mutty Its the 3rd of April and its Chelseas birthday, this is the first birthday that you have missed. I know your not here physically but I feel you around all the time. I wish that we could see you. Its your birthday coming up and I just dont know how we are going to get through it. I will be back at work and will probably have to go to Leeds. Its going to be terrible passing by your junction knowing that I cant come and see you, I really loved turning up to surprise you and I know that you loved it too. I cant bear it that I wont be able to any more and its always going to be tough to know that I wont be able to ever again. There is such a huge gap in my life, I keep getting the urge to call you because its been so long since we spoke, the last time I spoke to you, you sounded so happy and you were so busy and enjoying the fact that the weather was changing so that you could get out in the garden again. I saw Dawn today and I took her to see Aunty Peg. She was so happy to see us and we spent a good few hours talking about you, remembering times when we all went to visit her. She is so sad that she didnt call you, she kept meaning to just like you were meaning to call her. She wrote in your book. There are loads of entries in it but I cant read them yet as everytime I do I start to cry again. We all keep crying, do you think we will ever stop? Im not sure that I even want to. We all miss you so much Mum, life just doesnt feel right any more.